Warning Signs

 

The following are warning signs that your relationship may become abusive. He/she:

 

  • Schedules a lot of “alone time” activities and gets upset when you want to spend time with other people.
     
  • Always seems to have some sort of “crisis”, “problem”, or “very important thing to tell you” when you are trying to spend time away from him/her.
     
  • Texts you or calls you repeatedly when you are trying to spend time with other friends or family.  Even if he/she isn’t sending angry messages, it could still be a tactic to keep your mind on him/her ONLY instead of focusing on your time with others.
     
  • Makes fun of or criticizes your interests, hobbies, friends, or family. Examples:  “Come on, bowling isn’t really a sport, why are you so into it?”  “Your friend Jane is such a ditz, I don’t get why you’re friends with her.”  “Your mom doesn’t want us to spend so much time together because she’s just jealous that you have a life and she doesn’t.”
     
  • Puts you down in a “joking” way.  This can be a way of putting you down without being held accountable for what he/she is really doing.
     
  • Tells you that you are “just too sensitive” when you tell him/her that he/she is hurting you, instead of respecting your feelings.
     
  • Blames you for his/her abusive behavior.  Example: “If you hadn’t done what you did, then I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did”  or, “You know it makes me angry when you talk to him/her, so it’s your fault I broke your phone.”
     
  • Falsely accuses you of cheating or flirting.  Constantly seeks reassurance from you that you are not cheating, not ever going to leave him/her, etc.
     
  • Constantly checks up on you. Examples: checking your phone for calls/texts, going through your school bag, always wants to know where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing.  Asks questions incessantly about who posted a comment to you on Facebook or texted you.
     
  • Makes very intense statements about your relationship. Examples: “I cannot live without you” or “I would kill myself if you ever went out with someone else” or “You are my whole world.”
     
  • Promises to change and never do it again, but eventually does it again.